Willy Wonka Quotes

It was a very beautiful thing, this Golden Ticket, having been made, so it seemed, from a sheet of pure gold hammered out almost to the thinness of paper. On one side of it, printed by some clever method in jet-black letters, was the invitation itself.

Rainbow drops – suck them and you can spit in six different colours.

Of course they’re real people. They’re Oompa-Loompas…Imported direct from Loompaland…And oh what a terrible country it is! Nothing but thick jungles infested by the most dangerous beasts in the world – hornswogglers and snozzwangers and those terrible wicked whangdoodles. A whangdoodle would eat ten Oompa-Loompas for breakfast and come galloping back for a second helping.

Whipped cream isn’t whipped cream at all if it hasn’t been whipped with whips, just like poached eggs isn’t poached eggs unless it’s been stolen in the dead of the night.

We must hurry! We have so much time and so little to do! No! Wait! Strike that! Reverse it!

Don’t argue, my dear child, please don’t argue! It’s such a waste of precious time!

Oh, my sainted aunt! Don’t mention that disgusting stuff in front of me! Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It’s made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!

I, Willy Wonka, have decided to allow five children – just five, mind you, and no more – to visit my factory this year.

I don’t want a grown-up person at all. A grownup won’t listen to me; he won’t learn. He will try to do things his own way and not mine. So I have to have a child. I want a good sensible loving child, one to whom I can tell all my most precious candy-making secrets-while I am still alive.

Willy Wonka: Don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.

Everything in this room is edible. Even I’m edible. But, that would be called cannibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies.

Welcome my friends, welcome to my chocolate factory.

Time is a precious thing. Never waste it.

Charlie: Mr. Wonka, they won’t really be burned in the furnace, will they?
Willy Wonka: Hm… well, I think that furnace is only lit every other day, so they have a good sporting chance, haven’t they?

Mrs. Gloop: Don’t just stand there, do something!
Willy Wonka: Help. Police. Murder.

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

Mr. Salt: [about the chocolate river] It’s polluted!
Willy Wonka: It’s chocolate!

We are the music makers and we are the dreams of the dreams.

You both went into the soda room without permission! You both bumped into the ceiling, which must be washed and sterilized, so you get NOTHING! YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

Invention is 93% perspiration 6% inspiration 3% perspiration and 2% butter scotch ripple.

The snozberries taste like snozberries.

The suspense is terrible…I hope It’ll last.

Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing?

If the good lord intended us to walk, he never would’ve invented roller skates.

If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it.
Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world… there’s nothing to it.

There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination.
Living there, you’ll be free if you truly wish to be.

Mr. Salt: What is this, Wonka? Some kind of funhouse?
Willy Wonka: Why? Are you having fun?

Where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head?

Hold your breath, make a wish, count to three.

Mrs. Gloop : He’s gone! He’ll be made into marshmallows in five seconds.
Willy Wonka : Impossible, my dear lady! That’s absurd! Unthinkable!
Mrs. Gloop : Why?
Willy Wonka : Because that pipe doesn’t go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room!
Mrs. Gloop : You terrible man!

Mrs. Gloop : You boiled him up, I know it.
Willy Wonka : Nil desperandum, my dear lady. Across the desert lies the promised land.
[Mrs. Gloop is led away to the fudge room]
Willy Wonka : Goodbye, Mrs. Gloop. Adieu. Aufwiedersehen. Gesundheit. Farewell.

Grandpa Joe : Mr. Wonka? Uh, what’s that they’re filling it up with?
Willy Wonka : Oh ginger ale, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer bubbles, bubbleade, bubblecola, double cola, double-bubble-burple-cola, and all the crazy carbonated stuff that tickles your nose. Few people realize what tremendous power there is in one of those things.

Willy Wonka : Don’t you know what this is?
Violet Beauregarde : By gum, it’s gum.
Willy Wonka : Wrong! It’s the most amazing, fabulous, sensational gum in the whole world.
Violet Beauregarde : What’s so fab about it?
Willy Wonka : This little piece of gum is a three-course dinner.
Mr. Salt : Bull.
Willy Wonka : No, roast beef. But I haven’t got it quite right yet.

It happens every time, they all become blueberries.

Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink – yet.

Behold the Wonkamobile. A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Willy Wonka : No other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall.
[whispering in Mr. Salt’s ear]
Willy Wonka : But it’s the only way if you want it just right.

Charlie Bucket : Mr. Wonka, what’ll happen to the other kids? Augustus, Veruca?
Willy Wonka : My dear boy, I promise you they’ll be quite all right. When they leave here, they’ll be completely restored to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they’ll be a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don’t worry about them.

Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous. So don’t be alarmed. As soon as your outer vestments are at hand, we’ll begin.

Well, well, well, two naughty, *nasty* little children gone. Three good, sweet little children left.

‘Round the world and home again, that’s the sailor’s way.

And almost everything you’ll see is eatable, edible. I mean, you can eat almost everything.

Oh, yes. Well, I hope you enjoyed yourselves. Excuse me for not showing you out. Straight up the stairs. You’ll find the way. I’m terribly busy. Whole day wasted. Goodbye to you both. Goodbye.

Oh you can’t get out backwards, you have to go forwards to go back.

Willy Wonka : Do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass! Please have a blade, please do, it’s so delectable and so darn good looking!
Charlie Bucket : You can eat the grass?
Willy Wonka : Of course you can! Everything in this room is eatable, even *I’m* eatable! But that is called “cannibalism,” my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

Willy Wonka : You can’t run a chocolate factory with a family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offense.
Grandpa George : None taken. Jerk.

Mike Teavee : Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka : Well, beatniks for one, folk singers, and motorbike riders. Y’know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It’s in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I’m layin’ down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!

Veruca Salt : I’m Veruca Salt. It’s very nice to meet you, sir.
Willy Wonka : I always thought a verruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot.

Mr. Salt : Where are they taking her?
Willy Wonka : Where all the other bad nuts go, to the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt : Where does the chute go?
Willy Wonka : To the incinerator. But don’t worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.
Mike Teavee : Today is Tuesday.
Willy Wonka : [after a pause] Well, there’s always a chance they decided not to light it today.

The best kind of prize is a *sur*prise!

Mr. Salt : Mr. Wonka? How much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.
Willy Wonka : Oh they’re not for sale. She can’t have one.
Veruca Salt : Daddy!
Willy Wonka : [imitating Mr. Salt] I’m sorry, darling. Mr. Wonka’s being unreasonable.

Grandma Georgina : You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.
Willy Wonka : Oh, thank you. You smell like… old people. And soap. I like it.

Little girl? Don’t touch that squirrel’s nuts! It’ll make him crazy!

Good morning, starshine… the earth says hello!

Mrs. Gloop : Where is my son? Where does that pipe go to?
Willy Wonka : That pipe, it just so happens to lead directly to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge.
Mrs. Gloop : Then he will be made into strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge? They’ll be selling him by the pound all over the world?
Willy Wonka : No, I wouldn’t allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus-flavoured chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it.

Grandpa Joe : Mr. Wonka, I don’t know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka : Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life’s work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
Grandpa Joe : No, sir.
Willy Wonka : Then wonderful, welcome back.

Charlie Bucket : So, if I go with you to the factory, I won’t ever see my family again?
Willy Wonka : Yeah! Consider that a bonus!

Willy Wonka : You’re all quite short, aren’t you?
Violet Beauregarde : Well yeah, we’re children.
Willy Wonka : Well that’s no excuse. I was never as short as you.
Mike Teavee : You were once.
Willy Wonka : Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.

Willy Wonka : I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.
Mr. Teavee : What do you mean?
Willy Wonka : Uh, well… sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
Mr. Teavee : What kind of a question is that?
Willy Wonka : No need to snap, just a question.

Can you imagine Augustus-flavored, chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew, no one would buy it.

Violet Beauregarde : Mr. Wonka, I’m Violet Beauregarde.
Willy Wonka : Oh. I don’t care.
Violet Beauregarde : Well, you should care. Because I’m the girl who’s gonna win the special prize at the end.
Willy Wonka : Well, you do seem confident and confidence is key.

Willy Wonka : An important room, this. After all, it is a chocolate factory.
Mike Teavee : Then, why is the door so small?
Willy Wonka : That’s to keep all the great big chocolatey flavor inside.

Willy Wonka : I’m sorry, I was having a flashback.
Mr. Salt : I see.
Mr. Teavee : These flashbacks happen often?
Willy Wonka : Increasingly… today.

Mike Teavee : [Seeing an oompa-loompa for the first time] Are they real people?
Willy Wonka : Of course they’re real people. They’re Oompa Loompas.
Mr. Salt : Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka : Imported. Direct from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee : There’s no such place.
Willy Wonka : What?
Mr. Teavee : Mr. Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I’m here to tell you…
Willy Wonka : Well, then, you’ll know all about it and, oh, what a terrible country it is.

Mrs. Beauregarde : What do you use Hair Cream for?
Willy Wonka : To lock in moisture.

It’s gotta be real big, ’cause you know how on TV you can film a regular-sized man and he comes out looking this tall? Same basic principle.

The waterfall is most important. Mixes the chocolate. Churns it up, makes it light and frothy. By the way, no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall, my dear children, and you can take that to the bank.

I’ve just been informed that the incinerator’s broken, so there should be about three weeks of rotten garbage to break their fall!

Let’s keep on truckin’.

Mr. Salt : Are you using the Havermax 4000 to do your sorting?
Willy Wonka : No.
[laughs]
Willy Wonka : You’re really weird.

Uh, you really shouldn’t mumble, because I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

Mike Teavee : Just put me back in the other way.
Willy Wonka : There is no other way. It’s television, not telephone. There’s quite a difference.

Mumbler! Seriously, I cannot understand a single word you’re saying!

I’ve always made whatever candy I felt like, and I… That’s just it, isn’t it? I make the candy I feel like, but now I feel terrible, so the candy’s terrible.