The Breakfast Club (1985) Quotes

We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.

Andrew : What do you need a fake I.D. for?

Brian : So I can vote.

Andrew : What happened to you?

Allison : Why? Claire did it… What’s wrong?

Andrew : Nothing’s wrong… it’s just so different, you know? I can see your face.

Allison : Is that good or bad?

Andrew : It’s good.

My God, are we gonna be like our parents?

Richard Vernon : Jesus Christ Almighty! What in God’ s name is going on in here? What was that ruckus?

Andrew : Uh, what ruckus?

Richard : I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.

Brian : Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

Allison : You have problems.

Andrew : Oh, I have problems?

Allison : You do everything everyone tells you to do and that is a problem.

Andrew : Okay, fine, but I didn’t dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into my problems.

Andrew : Why do you have to insult everybody?

John Bender : I’m being honest, asshole. I would expect you to know the difference.

John : You get along with your parents?

Andrew : Well, if I say yes I’m an idiot, right?

John : You’re an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents, well, you’re a liar too.

Bender : I wanna be just… like… you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights!

Brian : You wear tights?

Andrew : No, I don’t wear tights. I wear the required uniform.

Brian : Tights.

Andrew : Shut up!

Andrew : If I lose my temper you’re totaled, man.

Bender : Totally?

Andrew : Totally.

Andrew : Speak for yourself.

Bender : Do you think I’d speak for you? I don’t even know your language.

Allison : Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke, your birth date’s March 12th, you’re 5’9 and a half, you weigh 130 pounds and your social security number is 049380913.

Andrew : Wow. Are you psychic?

Allison : No.

Brian : Well, would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?

Allison : I stole your wallet.

Sweets. You couldn’t ignore me if you tried. So… so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?

Just me. Just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you. You hitting the floor. Anytime you’re ready, pal.

You ask me one more question and I’m beating the shit out of you.

Yo wastoid, you’re not gonna blaze up in here.

I’m not a winner because I want to be one. I’m a winner because I’ve got strength and speed… kinda like a racehorse. It’s about how involved I am in what’s happening to me.

Let’s end this right now. You don’t talk to her, you don’t look at her and you don’t even think about her! You understand me?

Andrew : Hey, you’re not urinating in here man!

Bender : Don’t talk, don’t talk. It makes it crawl back up.

Andrew : You whip it out and you’re dead before the first drop hits the floor.

Bender : You’re pretty sexy when you get angry.

Brian Johnson : Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us – in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain…

Andrew Clark : …and an athlete…

Allison Reynolds: …and a basket case…

Claire Standish : …a princess…

John Bender : …and a criminal…

Brian Johnson : Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.

Richard Vernon : What if your home… what if your family… what if your *dope* was on fire?

Bender : Impossible, sir. It’s in Johnson’s underwear.

She’s only a tease if what she does gets you hot.

[Imitating his Father] Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk.

[Imitating his Mother] You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.

[Father’s voice] Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie.

[His own voice] No dad, what about you?

[Father’s voice] Fuck you.

[His own voice] No dad, what about you?

[Father’s voice] Fuck you.

[His own voice] Dad, what about you?

[Father’s voice] Fuck you!

Well, I don’t know any lepers either, but I’m not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.

Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

Mr. Vernon : You’re not fooling anyone, Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.
Bender : Eat my shorts.
Mr. Vernon : What was that?
Bender : Eat… My… Shorts.
Mr. Vernon : You just bought yourself another Saturday.
Bender : Ooh, I’m crushed.
Mr. Vernon : You just bought one more.
Bender : Well I’m free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I’m going to have to check my calendar.
Mr. Vernon : Good, cause it’s going to be filled. We’ll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you’ll come here. Are you through?
Bender : No.
Mr. Vernon : I’m doing society a favor.
Bender : So?
Mr. Vernon : That’s another one right now! I’ve got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don’t watch your step. You want another one?
Bender : Yes.
Mr. Vernon : You got it! You got another one right there! That’s another one pal!
Claire: Cut it out!
Mr. Vernon : You through?
Bender : Not even close bud!
Mr. Vernon : Good! You got one more right there!
Bender : You really think I give a shit?
Mr. Vernon : Another! You through?
Bender : How many is that?
Brian : That’s seven including when we first came in and you asked Mr. Vernon whether Barry Manilow knew that he raided his closet.
Mr. Vernon : Now it’s eight. You stay out of this.
Brian : Excuse me sir, it’s seven.

What do you care what I think anyway? I don’t even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn’t make any difference. I might as well not even exist at this school, remember?

You know what I got for Christmas? Oh, it was a banner fucking year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said, “Hey, smoke up Johnny.”

You won’t accept a guy’s tongue in your mouth, and you’re going to eat that?

Remember how you said your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn’t I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity?

Uh, Dick? Excuse me; Rich. Will milk be made available to us?

Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we’ll all get up, it’ll be anarchy.

Bender : You are a bitch!
Claire : Why? ‘Cause I’m telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?
Bender : No! ‘Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, and you don’t got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them you’re gonna like who you wanna like.

Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys who roll around on the floor with other guys.

That’s very clever, sir. But what if there’s a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.

I wanna be an airborne ranger / I wanna lead a life of danger / Before the day I die / There’s five things I wanna ride / Bicycle, tricycle, automobile / Virgin’s mother and a ferris wheel…

My impression of life at Big Bri’s house, “Son?” “Yeah, Dad?” “How was your day, son?” “Great, Dad. How’s yours?” “Super. Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?” “Great, Dad. But I got homework to do.” “That’s okay, son. You can do it on the boat.” “Gee.” “Hon, isn’t our son swell?” “Yes, dear. Isn’t life swell?”

Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won’t be needing a drink. Naked lady says… [the ceiling gives way] Oh, *shit*.

You’re kind of sexy when you’re angry.

Brian: Did you know without trigonometry, there’d be no engineering?
Bender : Without lamps, there’d be no light.

Don’t you ever talk about my friends. You don’t know any of my friends. You don’t look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn’t condescend to speak to any of my friends. So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father’s BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean.

Being bad feels pretty good, huh?

Hey, homeboy, what do you say we close that door, we’ll get the prom queen impregnated.

Sweets. You couldn’t ignore me if you tried. So… so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?

Keep your fuckin’ hands off me! I’d expect better manners from you, Dick.

Brian : I’m a fucking idiot because I can’t make a lamp?
Bender : No. You’re a genius because you can’t make a lamp.

Well not at present, but I can see you really pushing maximum density. See I’m not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people: there’s fat people that were born to be fat, and there’s fat people that were once thin but became fat… so when you look at ’em you can sorta see that thin person inside. You see, you’re gonna get married, you’re gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh…

Oh, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl.

You keep eating your hand and you’re not gonna be hungry for lunch…

Claire, you wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts? It’s pretty tasty.

But face it. You’re a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you be doing if you weren’t out making yourself a better citizen?

Andrew : Hey, you’re not urinating in here man!
Bender : Don’t talk, don’t talk. It makes it crawl back up.
Andrew : You whip it out and you’re dead before the first drop hits the floor.
Bender : You’re pretty sexy when you get angry.

You know, you look a lot better without all that black shit under your eyes.

You know, I have just as, many feelings as you do and it hurts so much when someone steps all over them.

I don’t think either one of them gives a shit about me. It’s like they use me just to get back at each other.

I hate it. I hate having to go along with everything my friends say.

I can’t believe you can’t get me out of this. I mean it’s so absurd I have to be here on a Saturday! It’s not like I’m a defective or anything.

Obviously she’s crazy if she’s screwing a shrink.

Chicks cannot hold their smoke, dat’s what it is.

Claire : Why didn’t you want me to know that you are a virgin?
Brian: Because it’s my business – my personal business.
Bender : Well, Brian, it doesn’t sound like you’re doing any business.

Are you gonna be, like, a shopping bag lady? You know, like, sit in alleyways and, like, talk to buildings and wear men’s shoes and that kinda thing?

Bender : You load up, you party.
Brian : Uhh, no, actually, we dress up.

Excuse me for being a virgin, I’m sorry.

Drugs. Drugs. The boy has marijuana. That was marijuana! Do you approve of this?

You know, there’s not supposed to be any monkey business

And I see me, I don’t like what I see.

I’ll do anything sexual. I don’t need a million dollars to do it either.

Allison : When you grow up, your heart dies.
John : So, who cares?
Allison : I care.

I don’t have to run away and live in the street. I can run away and I can go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan.

Andrew : What do they do to you?
Allison : They ignore me.
Andrew : Yeah… yeah.

My home life is unsatisfying.

When someone asks me what’s wrong, my instant reaction is to lie and say everything is all fine, despite how crap I really feel.

If you say you haven’t you’re a prude. If you say you have, you’re a slut. It’s a trap.

Hey. What’s goin in there? Damn pricks.

You think he’s funny? You think this is cute? You think he’s “bitchin,” is that it? Let me tell you something. Look at him – he’s a bum. You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five years. You’ll see how goddamned funny he is.

That’s the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I’m not about to throw it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you’re outta here and you’ve forgotten all about this place and they’ve forgotten all about you, and you’re wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I’m gonna be there. That’s right. And I’m gonna kick the living shit out of you. I’m gonna knock your dick in the dirt.

You ought to spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time trying to impress people.

The next time I have to come in here I’m crackin’ skulls.

Mr. Vernon : You think about this: when you get old, these kids – when *I* get old – they’re going to be running the country.
Carl : Yeah.
Mr. Vernon : Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me.
Carl : I wouldn’t count on it.

Mr. Vernon : What did you wanna be when you were young?
Carl : When I was a kid, I wanted to be John Lennon.
Mr. Vernon : Carl, don’t be a goof. I’m making a serious point here.

Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns.

Why is that door closed? WHY IS THAT DOOR CLOSED?

Oh really? You guys think I’m just some untouchable peasant? Serf? Peon? Well, maybe so. But following a broom around after shitheads like you for the last 8 years, I’ve learned a couple of things. I look through your letters. I look through your lockers. I listen to your conversations, you don’t know that but I do. I am the eyes and ears of this institution, my friends.